Awa and Horatio in "The Left Handed Hamster"
(January 15, 2005)

Suddenly I awoke from a nightmare. I lied in bed unsuccessfully trying to remember the nightmare. Maybe that old wives tale is true, you know, the one about eating before going to bed. Oh why did I have to eat that raspberry muffin at 3 AM?

I rolled over to see my alarm clock. 6:30 AM? That's not fair. I should be able to sleep-in on a Saturday. I dragged my grumpy self out of bed, wrapping my pretty body in my pretty pink comforter.

My mood instantly transformed as I glanced out of the window. It was snowing! Not the puny flakes but the big, enormous ones that flow down ever so gracefully to the ground. To boot it was packing snow. 

I dug out my snow boots while my toast was burning. I ran out the door, toast in hand, I mean toast in mitten and ran to the park.

Yes it was early but I knew I would not be alone at the park. My friend Awa walks her hamster Horatio, every morning there. She believes hamsters only last a few years because they are cooped up inside their cage or ball all day without any fresh air. She also believes hamsters need to more physically active then running in a wheel. That's why Horatio is on a strict weightlifting program. Her theory may be correct as Horatio is five years old - eons beyond the life expectancy for a hamster.

I caught up to them at the water fountain.
"Awa!"
"Suzy!"
"Squeak-Squeak!"
"Well hello Horatio, were you saying hello to me?"

There in Awa's coat pocket was Horatio complete with scarf and toque.
"Squeak."
We walked down the path to the outdoor rink, past the snow covered tennis court and picnic area to the soccer fields overlooking the park. I pointed to the crowd of people down below at the band shell.

"What's down there?" 
"Oh, it's a snow sculpture contest. It's kicks off Snow Week."
"Really - those look like nice sculptures. They must have made them quick."
"No, they've been there all night, haven't they Horatio?"
"Squeak."

The crowd turned from the line of snow sculptures to the host with the microphone on the stage in the band shell.

"First off, I would like to thank each of you for braving the cold weather and snow to kick off Snow Week. Give yourself a hand."
A few people clapped.
"Woo-Woo!" the host echoed into the mic.
"Now while the judge is looking over the snow sculptures, we have a band here to perform for you. Let's give it up for Frosty and the Snow People!"

The crowd clapped. As we listened to the band play "If I were a Snowman" I took a step backwards and bent down to make a snowball.

"If I were a snowman,
and you were a lady.
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?"
"If I were a snowman,
and you were a princess.
Would you marry me your heiress?
Or consider my stick arms useless?"

By the third horrible verse, my snowball was ready. I was going to hit Awa. As I turned around to my friends, Awa greeted me with a snowball to the head. I guess we knew each other too well.
Back and forth our snowball battle occurred over the soccer field. I would gain the momentum only to lose it with a lack of snowballs. It was fun until my superb aim misfired.

"Squeak!"
"Suzy, you hit Horatio in the head!"

Awa walked over to a tree stump and placed Horatio on it. I could tell she was mad at me.
"Now you're going to get it."

A barrage of finely tuned snowballs flew and me from the deadly accurate mitten of Awa. I covered my face to protect myself, all the while taking steps backwards to regroup. 

Finally there was a pause in the on slot. Awa was out of snowballs. I relaxed my defensive shell to make some snowballs for counter attack. However before I could bend down to the snow, a snowball came out of nowhere and hit me in the face. Stunned, I took one step backwards but to my misfortune, I was already at the edge of the soccer field overlooking the band shell.

As I fell off the ledge, I looked to my right. There, on his stump, was Horatio laughing at me. I could tell from his mittens that he had thrown the decisive snowball. Who knew he could throw a snowball? Who knew he was so accurate? Who knew he was left-handed? I guess all that upper body work on the weights paid dividends for him.

As I rolled down the hill, the packing snow stuck to my clothes. By the bottom of the hill, I had so much momentum that I ended up standing next in line in the snow sculptures. 

In fact I looked so much like a snowman that I was judged for the snow sculpture contest. I tried to motion to the judge for help but I was too firmly packed with snow to move. The judge ran up to the microphone with the results for the host.

"Now, what we've all been waiting for, the winner of the snow sculpture contest is... the last one on the left!"

Everyone clapped as I had won the contest.
"Doesn't it have a name?" the host whispered to the judge. He shook his head no.
"Would the artist come forward to collect the grand prize?"
"We're coming!" a voice rang from the top of the hill. It was Awa's voice.
Her and Horatio ran up on stage.

"Oh look her little hamster has a scarf and toque."
(Oh give me a break.)
"And what's your name?"
"My name is Awa and this is Horatio. Say hi to the crowd Horatio."
The hamster leaned over the microphone.
"Squeak."
There was an "Oh, how cute." sound from the crowd.
"And what's the name of your snow sculpture?"
Awa looked right at me.
"Suzy Snow Princess."
"Well Awa and Horatio, for winning first prize..."
What! If anyone should win a prize it's me. After all I am the snow sculpture.
"... here's a copy of Frosty and the Snow People's new album "Two Eyes of Coal, a gift certificate for $20 at Mica's Deli and Barber Shop, on Chester Avenue, and a cheque for $500."

$500. Awa will pay for this. Just as I was thinking of a revenge plot, Awa and Horatio appeared before my coal eyes.

"That's what you get for hitting poor defenceless Horatio with a snowball. This cheque is going straight into Horatio's RSP account."

"RSP account?  He's only a hamster!  Besides he is only five years old."
"Oh Suzy, you are never too young to start an RSP.  Isn't that right Horatio?"

"Squeak."