No Call List
(October 8, 2008)

“ARRG! Why don’t you leave me alone you, you rotten potato!” I screamed into the telephone as I hung it up.

“Ham, I know I’m amazing but why won’t the telemarketers leave me alone?”
“You shouldn’t be so rude to them.”
“Rude to them? I’ll tell you what’s rude – calling me at the most inopportune time for a sales pitch."
“Well still, you should be nicer.”
“Why?”
“No one wants to grow up to be a telemarketer. If they are calling you, chances are that their life is really sucking at that moment.”
“I think it sucks more to answer a telemarketer than to be the one dialling.”

“If you are so against being nice, why don’t you just sign up for the No Call List?”
“No Call List?”
“Oh Suzy, would it hurt you to watch the news just once in a while?”
“I’m too busy dealing with telemarketers!”

Ham explained the No Call List. Apparently the government recently introduced a No Call List. By simply signing up, my name will be taken off all telemarketing lists. Who knew?

“Sign me up! NOW!”

So Ham turned on his speaker phone and dialled the No Call List number. I couldn’t believe it – I was moments away from being free of telemarketers! Oh the freedom. Then my hopes were dashed by a loud clutter of piercing beeps.

“A busy signal! It can’t be Nelly Bee!”
“Let Bell notify you if this line becomes free in the next 30 minutes for twenty-five cents…”

“Ham, is it just me or is that Bell message considered advertising?”

As he redialled, Ham concurred to my amazing observation.
“Advertising while trying to call into the Do Not Call Me list. How ironic.”

“Hi you have reached the Government of Canada’s Do Not Call list. All of our representatives are currently busy. Please stay on the line for our next available service agent. We apologise for the delay.”

“First a busy signal, then being placed on hold. What’s next?”

The phone answered my rhetorical question for me.

“Make anytime family time with the new Rogers Fav 10 cell phone plan. Rogers High Speed Internet – it’s like having your own lane in rush hour. Get even more personal with your tv with Rogers HD…”

First it was the telemarketer. Then it was the busy signal when I tried to call the No Call List number. I could almost handle that. But placed on hold and forced to listen to a Rogers telemarketing ad while waiting to sign up for the No Call List for too much for your favourite pink pretty to endure. Something had to break and it was not going to be my spirit.

“Suzy, put the phone down. It’s a rental from Rogers. If it gets smashed, they’ll put me back on their calling list.”