TTC Tokens
(December 31, 2009)

“Fifteen tokens please.”

The grumpy man in the TTC booth tapped the glass.
“Yes sir?”

He pointed to a hand written note taped to the booth window.
“I’m sorry, I can’t read chickenscratch.”

The grumpy man reluctantly stood up.
“It reads NO MORE TOKENS!”
“No more tokens? How is one suppose to use the transit system?”

The grumpy old man tapped another handwritten note taped to his booth window. However, I could read this one.
“I DON’T CARE!”

Refusing to break the code of the city dweller and pay the full price for a transit fee, I stomped out the subway station into the night.
“Psst, Madmoiselle!”

I turned to see a claw reflecting under the glow of a street lamp.

“Le Grand Orange?”

The man stepped into the light of the lamp. He had a claw for an arm and a wood peg for a leg. It was indeed, Le Grand Orange – the most feared French Voyageur pirate in Canada!

“Ahh, If it ain’t be me old nemesis Suzy TooToo!”
“Watch who you call old! So, are you still up to your old pirate ways?”

“Non, I’ve changed me ways. I be legit, says I.”
“Last time you said that, you were robbing kitties from coffins and selling them to fast food restaurants.”

“Ahh, you’d be right but this time I’d be right. I’m a legitimate businessman now.”

“And your business?”
“I’m selling these here TTC tokens. Under this here striped sweater, are TTC tokens. In two weeks, the TTC is increasing the price fifty cents to three dollars a ye token. I’m selling these here tokens for $2.75 a token. Same ye old price, same ye old bad service.”

“But it’s not the same old price. It’s twenty-five cents more. Isn’t that lying?”
“No it’s called marketing.”

“Anyways, is the selling of tokens legal or moral?”
“Legal, yes – moral – well that depends if you are a capitalist. I am so it’s morally okay.”

“But to make any real money, you’d have to sell tens of thousands of tokens.”
“Arye, it’s true and I am, says I.”

I paused, adding two and two together for a diabolical four.

“You bought all the TTC tokens, didn’t you? Is that why there is none at the subway stations?”
“Oui. I created the demand by controlling the supply. Basic economics says me.”
“Basic highway robbery! How could you afford the start-up capital? Where did you get the money to buy all the tokens in the city?”
“I sold my evil lair. I am a legitimate businessman now. Legitimate businessmen don’t need evil lairs. They need office space, preferably in a skyscraper.”

“So, Suzy TooToo, how many of these here tokens will you be buying for the ye old dreaded TTC?”

I paused to think. It was a good deal and technically wasn’t illegal but I couldn’t do it. I could not conduct business with my nemesis. I put on my mittens and wrapped my beautiful scarf around my beautiful neck.

“None. It’s a beautiful night. I think I’ll walk home.”

And you know what? I did home faster than if I took the ye dreaded TTC!